Why is that so funny?

Look away from the screen now children.


A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem...

In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself".

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife.

At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting for her husband.

As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?". The man answered, "Not that well ... when I fired the pistol my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

But did he ejaculate?

An important question I have no answer to.




Jenny's friend Debbie was at work complaining about a sore throat and laryngitis.

"When I have that I always give a blow job to my husband and the next day I'm better, you should try it."

Next day Debbie comes in singing.

"How did it go?" enquires Jenny.

"Brilliant" says Debbie, "your husband couldn't believe it was your idea!"

A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt – though their cars are written off.

As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible both our cars are demolished but we're fine.'

It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!’

Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!’

The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!’

'Well, OK!’ says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.

'Your turn', says the man.

'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'

Three Prostitutes meet in a Bar. After a few drinks, they begin to boast about how succesfull they are at buisness. The First spreads her legs and anounces proudly that she's had so many men between them, she can fit her whole fist up there with no squease at all. The Second, roaring with laughter, claims that she can fit both her fists between her legs, even to the extent of pushing a head in there.

The Third says nothing as she slowly slides down the barstool.



-----------------


How do you turn one Barstool into four in a gay bar?

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director: "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor "a normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said "For Sale $50.00".

"Why so little?" the woman asked the store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this for a bit...But, decided that she just had to have the beautiful bird anyway.

She took it home and hung the birds cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

After a few hours the bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "that's not so bad".
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls".

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said "Hi Keith!".